Excerpt from JoySorrow – “Tioni and John”
If she took the wrong pills, she’d sometimes see John. She’d never decide to take the wrong medication. It just happened when she wasn’t thinking or when she was on the phone. These pills, the other orange pills, would cause her to see John standing in the corner of the kitchen, his pale blue button-up shirt the same one he wore when he was in his twenties. Yet, when he saw him, he was in his late sixties, like the last time she touched, smelled, tasted him. He wouldn’t talk. He just stood there in the corner or sat at the dining room table, smiling at her. Maybe he’d accidentally hit the teacup Tioni set out for herself so that it would fall to the floor and its handle would become chipped. Maybe he’d turn the shower on before Tioni undressed. Maybe he’d hide behind the curtains like a spook but then step out from behind them and into the living room, pushing the curtains away like a jogger encountering a low-hanging tree branch. Usually he just sat, or stood, and smiled.
Tioni chopped a few cucumbers and a summer squash for a salad. John stood in the corner, his face half turned away from Tioni. It looked like he was staring at the kitchen clock above the door to the basement, but he didn’t look like he was trying to tell the time. His eyes were unfocused and he wasn’t concentrating. Rather, he looked to be resting his eyes while they were wide open, like keeping his eyes shut was more of a strain than the opposite. “John, you’re staring at the clock again,” Tioni said. John turned to look at Tioni and smiled. She smiled back and continued chopping. The sun had almost set. Tioni needed to finish the salad before she felt too tired to stand.
John walked into the living room as Tioni went to the drawer to get a bowl for the salad. Something glass or crystal shattered in the living room. “John, what did you do now?” Tioni called. She walked into the living room. Not seeing John, she held onto the back of the recliner and crouched to see what had shattered on the floor. “John?” she said, looking at the floor underneath the curtains to see if she could see his loafered feet, or next to the fireplace where he sometimes swirled the ash, drawing circles and spirals if he was in a happy mood. She looked back down at the floor, glittering with shards of crystal and glass. The shattered figurine added color to the room in the way it reflected the ceiling lamp’s light. It also made everywhere Tioni stepped a danger of getting glass splinters in her bare feet. Thinking of this, she edged past the side of the recliner and onto the rug, putting on a pair of slippers that she left at the foot of the chair.
